Millennium Pie

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember how
Computers used to make me smile <s>

And I knew if I had my chance,
That I could make electrons dance,
And maybe, I'd be happy, for a while.

But January made me shiver
Thoughts of projects I'd delivered.
Bad news for the collective;
I couldn't get connected.

I can't remember back that day
When I first heard of Y2K.
But something touched me deep inside
The day computers died.

So . . . Bye-Bye, Ex-Com-puter of mine.
Drove my PC off the DC till the voltage ran dry.
Them good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies,
Singing, "This'll be the day that I retire.
This'll be the day that I retire."

Did you write the PFC?
And do you have faith in Syb above,
If the manual tells you so?

Now do you believe in EAS's goals?
Can software save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how to type ...r..e...a..l.....s.l.o.w..?

Well I KNOW your code is not compliant,
'Cause I saw that code and it just can't.
You both used short date formats.
Man, I feel so sorry for you.

I was a lonely teenage PB hack
With an incantation and a modem jack,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day computers died.

Bye-Bye, Ex-Com-puter of mine.
Drove my PC off the DC till the voltage ran dry.
Them good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies,
Singing, "This'll be the day that I retire.
This'll be the day that I retire."

Now for ten years, we've ignored the threat, and we haven't solved the problem yet, but that's not how it used to be when the luddites read for the king and queen with a light they filled with kerosene and some manuals they stole from you and me. Oh, and while Bill Gates was looking pleased, time stole his monopolies. The courtroom was adjourned. No verdict was returned. And while Apple tried a color scheme, the engineers returned to steam, and we had purges of their dreams the day computers died.

Intel inside in an iron smelter. The food looked good in my fallout shelter. Twinkies old and aging fast. I would rather eat the grass. The QA tried for a system crash with the tester on the sidelines in a cast. Now the timeshare net was running Doom while mainframes played a marching tune. We all tried to log in, oh, but we never could get in. 'Cause COBOL tried to take the field, and Hollerith refused to yield. Do you recall what was revealed the day computers died?

Oh, and there we were all in a state. A generation - really late, with no time left to start again. So come on mouse be nimble, mouse be quick. Please let my spreadsheet data stick 'cause data is the Devil's only friend. Oh, and as I watched him on my screen, my hands were clenched in fists of rage. No angel born in h*ll could run that stupid shell. And as the ball climbed high into the night it took like the sacrificial rite. I saw Dick Clark laughing with delight the day computers died.

I met a girl with a cell phone, and I asked her for one more dial tone. But she just smiled and turned away. I went down to the software store where I'd seen computers years before, but the man there said the games wouldn't play. And in the streets, the children screamed, the lovers cried and the poets dreamed. But thier interface was spoken. The Internet was broken. And the three things I connect to most, the Website, Lan and the Network Host, every_single_one_was_TOAST the day, computers . . . died.

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