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"Cheat Sheet" for PowerBuilder/PFC "Help"

95+ Ways to annoy your Cubemate

via my wonderful, yet Visual Basic-programming ;-) husband, John

Hey, wonderfully effective ideas... whether you are simpy trying to convince everyone that you deserve your own private office, or you are relieving yourself from programming frustrations, or if you are just wanting to toy with your cubemate...

1. Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".

2. Drum on every available surface.

3. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

4. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

5. Ask 800 operators for dates.

6. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.

7. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

8. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

9. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

10. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

11. Set alarms for random times.

12. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

13. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.

14. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

15. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

16. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, ith the volume properly adjusted.

17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking" noise.

18. Honk and wave to strangers.

19. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

20. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

21. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

22. Wear your pants backwards.

23. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.

24. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

25. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".

26. Leave someone's printer "compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape" mode.


28. only type in lowercase.

29. dont use any punctuation either

30. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

31. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

32. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

33. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

34. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

35. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/ OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.

36. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

37. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

38. Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

39. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

40. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".

41. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

42. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

43. When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

44. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".

45. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

46. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

47. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

48. Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?)

49. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

50. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

51. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.

52. Drive half a block.

53. Name your dog "Dog".

54. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

55. Ask people what gender they are.

56. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

57. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

58. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.

59. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".

60. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

61. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

62. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

63. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

64. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

65. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

66. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

67. Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.

68. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

69. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

70. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

71. Wear a LOT of cologne.

72. Ask to "interface" with someone.

73. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".

74. Sing along at the opera.

76. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"

77. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".

78. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".

79. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

80. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

81. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."

82. Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".

83. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

84. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

85. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

86. Never make eye contact.

87. Never break eye contact.

88. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

89. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

90. Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

91. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.

92. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

93. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

94. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

95. Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.

96. Disassemble your pen and "accidently" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

97. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

98. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

99. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person".

100. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

101. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.

102. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

103. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage".

104. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

105. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

106. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

107. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

108. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

109. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

110. Sniffle incessantly.

111. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up".

112. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

113. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training".

114. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

115. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".

116. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

117. Practice making fax and modem noises.



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